Growth is Not Just a Feature of Life

You’re Allowed to Outgrow the People Who Refuse to Grow with You

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: relationships are the compounding interest of life. But what happens when the interest rate tanks? When the relationship, personal or professional, flatlines? Here’s the thing — growth is not just a feature of life; it’s the main event. And sometimes, the cost of that growth is leaving people behind.

In my 20s, I thought loyalty was a virtue that demanded permanence. Friends, colleagues, even toxic bosses — I stayed too long in bad jobs and worse relationships because I equated walking away with failure. But life isn’t a loyalty rewards program.

It’s not about who you started with; it’s about who you’re still with when the dust settles.

Let’s get one thing straight: outgrowing people doesn’t mean you’ve failed them — or that they’ve failed you. It means your paths, once aligned, have diverged. And that’s okay.

Life is dynamic; people evolve — or don’t. The uncomfortable truth is that growth requires shedding: old ideas, bad habits, and sometimes, the people who no longer fit.

The Trap of Stagnation

We all know the people who refuse to grow. They stay in the same job, complain about the same problems, and cling to the same narratives. Their lives are a perpetual loop of “remember when,” as if the past were a warm blanket they’re afraid to let go of. They don’t want change — they want comfort.

And comfort is the enemy of growth.

I’ve been in rooms where ideas die because the people in them cling to the status quo like it’s a life raft. I’ve had friends who scoffed at my ambition, colleagues who dismissed my vision, and family members who mistook my drive for arrogance. Here’s the kicker: their resistance wasn’t about me; it was about them. Growth triggers insecurity in those who aren’t growing. It’s a mirror reflecting back what they’re avoiding.

So, what do you do? Do you shrink yourself to fit their narrative? Do you slow down so they can keep up? Or do you keep climbing, even if it means leaving them at base camp?

Growth is Painful. Stagnation is Worse.

Growth is inherently disruptive. It’s uncomfortable and often isolating. But stagnation? That’s the slow death of potential. Stagnation is the dream you didn’t chase, the job you didn’t leave, the relationship you didn’t end. It’s the slow erosion of your ambition under the weight of “good enough.”

Years ago, I left a lucrative but soul-sucking job. It was the kind of job that came with a shiny title and a paycheck big enough to sedate my doubts — until it didn’t. When I finally walked away, a colleague pulled me aside and said, “You’re making a mistake. People don’t leave jobs like this.”

But I wasn’t leaving a job — I was leaving a mindset. A culture of complacency that celebrated mediocrity and punished innovation. That decision cost me friendships and professional alliances, but it bought me something far more valuable: freedom. Freedom to grow, to fail, to become something more.

The Price of Growth

Here’s the truth no one tells you: growth comes with casualties. The friend who resents your success. The colleague who mocks your ambition. The mentor who becomes threatened by your potential. Growth creates tension, and not everyone is built to withstand it.

You will be accused of arrogance, selfishness, and disloyalty. People will project their insecurities onto you, weaponizing guilt and nostalgia to keep you tethered to a version of yourself you’ve outgrown. Don’t take the bait.

It’s not your job to dim your light so others feel comfortable in their darkness. Your growth is not a betrayal; it’s a necessity. And if someone truly values you, they’ll celebrate your evolution — even if it means your paths diverge.

Building a New Circle

The people who grow with you are rare. They’re the ones who challenge you without tearing you down, who celebrate your wins without diminishing their own. These are your people. And finding them requires pruning your circle.

It’s not easy. Outgrowing people feels like breaking a promise. But the real betrayal is staying stagnant to maintain the illusion of loyalty. True loyalty isn’t about proximity; it’s about alignment. It’s about walking the same direction, even if you’re not side by side.

And when you find those people — the ones who push you, support you, and grow with you — hold onto them. Relationships like that are priceless, and they’ll fuel your growth in ways you can’t even imagine.

Permission to Evolve

Let me give you the permission you might not know you need: you are allowed to outgrow people. You are allowed to choose growth over comfort, progress over nostalgia, and purpose over obligation. You are allowed to evolve, even if it means leaving people behind.

Growth is a choice — a hard, messy, beautiful choice. It’s not linear or predictable. It’s a series of leaps and stumbles, victories and failures. But one thing is certain: you cannot grow if you’re surrounded by people who refuse to.

So, take stock of your circle. Who inspires you? Who challenges you? Who supports your growth, even when it’s inconvenient? Keep those people close. As for the rest? It’s okay to let them go. You don’t owe anyone your stagnation. You owe yourself your potential.

Life is too short to stay small. Grow big. Grow bold. And don’t apologize for it.

Is this thing on? Oh, hi, there, I’m Brian, and in addition to this Medium, I wrote The Main Thing is The Main Thing. Pick it up today!