Networking Isn’t A Performance
Crafting Conversations That Create Connection
Networking. The mere mention of it can spark eye rolls, audible groans, or for the truly jaded, a sudden urge to fake a dentist appointment. For many, it conjures images of name tags, awkward handshakes, and the dreaded question, “So, what do you do?” But here’s the thing: if you think networking is about handing out business cards or blanketing LinkedIn with generic connection requests, you’re doing it wrong. Networking isn’t a numbers game — it’s a quality game.
It’s about building relationships, not tallying up contacts.
Too often, people treat networking like a desperate speed-dating event. “I sent 100 LinkedIn messages today!” Great — if your goal is to clog inboxes and annoy strangers.
But if even 10 of those messages are meaningful, you’re on the right track. The problem is, most of us were never taught how to network well. So, we default to the equivalent of yelling into the void, hoping someone will respond. Let me save you some time: they won’t — at least, not in the way you want.
The first step to strategic networking is to abandon the shotgun approach. Stop blasting out the same tired message to every person you want to connect with. “I’d love to pick your brain” is networking poison. It’s vague, unoriginal, and screams “I haven’t done my homework.” Instead, think sniper rifle: precise, targeted, and effective.
Here’s how you do it. Start with research. Before you hit “connect,” take five minutes to look at the person’s profile. Have they written an article recently? Were they featured on a podcast? Did they share an insightful post? If so, use that as your opener. A message that says, “I read your article on AI ethics, and your perspective on bias in machine learning really resonated with me. I’d love to hear your thoughts on how this applies to recruiting strategies,” will always stand out.
Why? Because it shows you’re paying attention. You’re not just spraying spaghetti at the wall to see what sticks — you’re engaging with purpose. And here’s the secret: most people love talking about their work. Flattery works, as long as it’s genuine. The key is to make it clear you’re reaching out for a reason — not just because they’re a big name or because someone told you to “build your network.”
But let’s get real: strategy alone won’t get you far if you’re not authentic. People can sniff out insincerity faster than a TSA agent can spot a water bottle in your carry-on. Networking isn’t about using people — it’s about building genuine relationships. It’s about connecting with others in a way that’s mutually beneficial, not one-sided.
Think of it like dating. Nobody wants to feel like they’re being courted just for what they can offer. They want to know you’re genuinely interested in them — not just their job title or LinkedIn headline. If your networking approach feels transactional, it’s dead on arrival. Authenticity is the currency of meaningful connections, and without it, you’re just another person trying to “leverage” someone else.
So how do you come across as authentic? Start by being curious. Ask thoughtful questions, and then actually listen to the answers. Share something about yourself — not just your professional accomplishments, but what drives you, excites you, or makes you unique. Networking isn’t a performance; it’s a conversation. The goal isn’t to impress people — it’s to connect with them.
And here’s the thing about connection: it takes time. Relationships aren’t built in a single LinkedIn message or a rushed coffee chat. They’re cultivated through consistent, meaningful interactions. That doesn’t mean you should bombard someone with messages or expect them to become your mentor overnight. It means playing the long game. Stay in touch. Share an article you think they’d find interesting. Celebrate their successes. Be someone they enjoy hearing from, not someone they dread seeing in their inbox.
Another pro tip: authenticity is as much about timing as it is about tone. Don’t reach out only when you need something. If the only time someone hears from you is when you’re asking for a favor, you’re not networking — you’re extracting. Instead, make an effort to build relationships when you don’t need anything. That way, when the time comes to ask for help, it feels natural, not opportunistic.
Of course, networking isn’t just about strategy and authenticity — it’s also about self-awareness. Ask yourself this: would you want to grab coffee with you? If the answer is no, it’s time to rethink your approach. Are you coming across as pushy or self-serving? Are you putting in the effort to understand the person you’re reaching out to? If not, don’t be surprised if your messages go unanswered.
So, what does good networking look like? It looks like thoughtfulness. It looks like curiosity. It looks like conversations where both parties walk away feeling enriched, not used. It’s not about collecting contacts; it’s about collecting stories, insights, and relationships that matter.
In a world saturated with noise, the combination of strategy and authenticity cuts through. Networking done well isn’t about volume — it’s about value. Ten meaningful conversations beat a hundred superficial ones every time.
So stop counting connections and start cultivating them. Research. Reach out with purpose.
Be curious.
Be genuine.
And remember, the best networkers aren’t the ones chasing every handshake at a conference — they’re the ones people want to grab coffee with. Be that person.
Brian Fink is the author of The Main Thing is The Main Thing. It’s his way of galvanizing your focus to bring your life’s work to reality. Buy your copy today for $2.99.
