Stop the Ghosting, Start Saying No
Recruiters: Stop Saying Yes, Start Succeeding with No
Recruiters have a problem. We think our job is to say “yes.” Yes to hiring managers who want unicorns at pony prices. Yes to candidates who are clearly not the right fit. Yes to requests for roles that don’t need to exist. Yes, yes, yes — until we’re so bloated on affirmation that we can’t deliver on anything.
But here’s the harsh truth: recruiters are not in the business of saying yes. The best recruiters — those who elevate their craft to an art form — know their job is to say “no.” Because no is where clarity lives. No is where efficiency thrives. No is where trust is built. And, paradoxically, no is what makes your yes mean something.
And when we forget this, when we let “yes” take over because we’re afraid of “no,” we create the single greatest scourge of modern recruiting: candidate ghosting. That’s right — recruiters, our addiction to saying yes is why candidates stop returning our calls. Ghosting is the ghost of every yes we’ve given when we knew it should have been a no.
Let me explain.
Yes Is a Sugar High; No Builds Muscle
Saying yes feels good. It’s immediate gratification. It’s the hiring manager grinning ear-to-ear when you promise to find them that magical mix of an entry-level data scientist who has 15 years of experience in AI and is also willing to work for $50K. It’s the candidate who gushes over your commitment to keep them in mind for any future roles — even though you know that role doesn’t exist. Yes keeps everyone happy in the short term.
But here’s the catch: happiness built on false promises is a ticking time bomb. When you say yes to unrealistic expectations, all you’ve done is kick the can down the road. The hiring manager is going to be furious in six weeks when their unicorn is nowhere to be found. The candidate is going to feel betrayed when they realize your “keep in touch” was recruiter-speak for “goodbye.”
Saying no, on the other hand, requires courage. It’s saying, “This role isn’t realistic, and here’s why.” It’s telling a candidate, “You’re not the right fit for this job, but let’s discuss where you might thrive.” It’s setting boundaries and managing expectations. Saying no is like weightlifting: uncomfortable at first, but over time, it builds the muscle you need to carry the weight of a high-performing recruiting function.
The Ghost of Yes: Why Candidates Vanish
Let’s talk about ghosting. Every recruiter has experienced it. The candidate you thought was a sure thing suddenly stops replying. No email, no LinkedIn response, no text. They’re gone, leaving you scrambling to explain their disappearance to the hiring manager.
Why does this happen? Because recruiters have trained candidates to distrust us. When we say yes to everyone and everything — when we can’t say no — it creates a cycle of overpromising and underdelivering.
Here’s the truth: most ghosting happens because candidates feel disrespected, undervalued, or ignored. When recruiters say yes to candidates they know aren’t a fit, those candidates feel strung along. When recruiters fail to manage expectations honestly, candidates lose faith. And when candidates lose faith, they ghost.
The irony? Ghosting is just candidates giving recruiters a taste of their own medicine. If we don’t respect their time, why should they respect ours?
No Is Where Strategy Lives
Recruiting is not about pleasing people; it’s about solving problems. And solving problems requires focus. If you’re too busy saying yes to everything, you’re effectively saying no to strategy.
Take job requisitions, for example. How many recruiters have said yes to filling a position without asking whether that role is even necessary? A recruiter afraid of saying no becomes a glorified order-taker: “Here’s your new req, now go find someone to fill it.” But the recruiter who has the guts to say no shifts the conversation. “Why is this role open? Can we redistribute these responsibilities internally? Is there a better way to solve this problem than just throwing another body at it?”
Saying no forces hiring managers to think critically. It forces the organization to prioritize. And it saves you, the recruiter, from spinning your wheels on roles that were dead on arrival.
No Earns Trust
Ironically, saying no is what makes people trust you. Think about it: if you say yes to everything, your word becomes meaningless. You’re like the parent who promises ice cream after every chore but never follows through. Eventually, no one takes you seriously.
But when you say no, people start to pay attention. No says, “I’m not here to tell you what you want to hear — I’m here to tell you the truth.” And truth is the foundation of trust.
Hiring managers respect recruiters who push back. Candidates appreciate honesty, even when it stings. “No, you don’t have the experience we’re looking for right now, but here’s what you can do to get there” is infinitely better than ghosting or giving false hope. A no delivered with respect and context is not rejection; it’s guidance.
The Yes-to-No Ratio
This doesn’t mean you should turn into a recruiting version of Simon Cowell, rejecting everything with a smirk and a scowl. The power of no comes from balance. When you say yes, it should be deliberate, thoughtful, and earned.
Let’s call it your Yes-to-No Ratio. The average recruiter’s ratio is something like 10:1 — a yes for every no. The best recruiters? Closer to 1:1. They don’t say yes often, but when they do, people know it’s real.
The Fear of No
If saying no is so powerful, why don’t more recruiters do it? Simple: fear. Fear of upsetting people. Fear of conflict. Fear of being seen as uncooperative. But here’s the thing: avoiding no doesn’t avoid conflict — it just delays it.
And it doesn’t just delay conflict; it creates ghosting. Every yes when we meant no sends candidates a signal: “This recruiter isn’t honest with me.” And when candidates don’t trust you, they disappear.
Make No Your Superpower
So how do you start saying no? Here’s the secret: no isn’t just a word. It’s a strategy. A skill. A mindset.
- Anchor No in Data
Don’t just say, “This role is unrealistic.” Say, “Here’s the market data that shows why this salary won’t attract the talent you need.” - Deliver No with Empathy
No doesn’t have to be harsh. “I see where you’re coming from, but here’s why I recommend a different approach.” - Follow No with Solutions
A no without a next step is just a roadblock. A no with a roadmap? That’s leadership.
Stop the Ghosting, Start Saying No
Recruiting isn’t about saying yes. It’s about solving problems, managing expectations, and building trust. That means being unafraid to say no.
Ghosting isn’t just a candidate issue; it’s a recruiter issue. It’s a symptom of our addiction to saying yes when we should be saying no. Stop overpromising. Start setting boundaries. Because every no clears the way for a stronger, more strategic yes — and for candidates who stick around instead of disappearing.
Is this thing on? Oh, hi, there, I’m Brian, and in addition to this Medium, I wrote The Main Thing is The Main Thing. Pick it up today!
